I am well aware that I have been blessed many times over by those who are blessed and that spirit moves in every direction towards the center of human beings.

Some, born into wealth, will never know the journey of survival but move towards their spirits and these have always had the leisure to create the beauty that is their hearts. Whatever they can conceive, they can do it with no blocks save what their minds can conjure. This I pray for all beings.

Some, born into love but poor, will forever seek and passionately drive towards their freedom and these know the courage and discipline that comes from working hard to create space to breathe, to eat good food, fresh water, and live in alignment with a higher nature than the one struggling to survive. This strength of spirit can only be created not bought. This I pray for all beings.

Each have their own journeys, all are programmed at the center to forever seek that which is life. For some this life is all there is, self-made and driven they seek meaning and have the freedom to find it under in through around any possibility in the world, possibilities are endless. For others, there is a greater sense of Creator and, in that their life is the result of prayerful dependency, love is the only thing that truly matters and it is unconditional, to be found in the smallest molecule, even a teeny atom is of exceeding value .

Meaning and freedom. Strength, determination, and the gifts of previous generations. It’s spirits way of both descending the ladder and climbing it. In the middle is where we meet. In the middle is where our love is manifested and seen. How we spend time, where we place attention, how resources are allocated, all these are the test of humanity whether born blessed or striving to remove all barriers and feel the blessings of life.

It is easy to get distracted. When do we take the time to enjoy what we have been given/have and when do we seek opportunity to lift others up?

This is, of course the plight of our collective conundrum. How to weave these golden threads together? How to take the magic of all people and combine them to make a harmonious life together.

Become a creator, advertise it, attempt to draw without manipulation the masses seeking to fill the spaces with beauty. How to gain a following without creating followers? How to live a dream without becoming a slave to more? How to be content and still beautify? When to push? When to receive? When to be full? And when to be empty?

The in breath. The out breath.

The oldest ancient pattern of living there is in the Universe. Contraction. Expansion.

The real issues: Ownership. Freedom.

Since the money system in any form was created, the scales of have and have nots has teeter tottered back and forth, and if it isn’t owned but valuable, how can it be copyrighted?

Own what is needed. Water. Earth. Air. These are gifts we all deserve to enjoy.

And fire? I have a clear memory of a time I was asked to attend a tipi and travelled a long distance at my own expense to arrive, sit up all night praying for the life of another and in the morning came the first time I saw a money cup. We ate the corn for our energy body, the berries for our blood, the meat for our flesh and then, the money cup.

My ancestral brain sat on knee blinking. Blink. Blink. I looked at the fire. I looked at the cup. I looked at the fire. I looked at the cup. I whispered to it, “Psst. What are doing between me and the fire? Why are you in the middle of my prayer? Why are you between me and God?”
It said, “I don’t know. They put me here.”
”Oh,” I said, “I need to right my relationship to you. What would that be?” I continued to pray about the other bowls that passed, “The soul animates me, my ancestors got me here, and my body moves me around. What do you do?
”What ever people want.”
”Zonia!”
I looked up. “Yes?!”
”Pass the cup”
”I didn’t bring my wallet in here. I came to pray.”
”Pass the cup.”
Ok, I thought, this time, I pass the cup. It wasn’t to be the last time I saw the cup. Every time, I felt the same way: Blink. Blink. “Why are you here?” I’d whisper. Eveytime it would tell me, “Somebody put me here.” And I’d hear my inner spirit say, “Oh.” And sometimes I’d get very quiet and pray. “Heal my relationship with you.”

I tell this story to my thriving Mexican brother with whom I have co-sat sweatlodge. He is a peyote chief.

“What do you think it means?” he asks, “because when I put the cup outside the tipi I get less money and running tipi is expensive.”
I smile, “The more affluent the chief, the bigger the tribe. What did you think being chief meant? It’s expensive to take care of a big family.”
We both laugh and we know money collected isn’t just for feeding the people. It’s his job, but the chiefs used to have normal jobs and then run tipi. He used to give to the people, not take.

I think, I tell him, “It’s ok to charge, but don’t confuse love. If you make someone your family, it’s your responsibility to lift them up because you feel them inside your heart. If they are your brother, you want him to have a good life, to be able to have a wife and care for her needs, and feed children if they wish to have them. They are your family. It’s just what you want for them. These are old ways though, old male female dynamics. Everything is changing. I suppose if it is your job, then charge, but if it is your calling the door is open for all to know their intrinsic worth to Creator existed long before money and their relationship to that Creator is free. There should still be some meetings done just for love, it’s always the sessions I do that way that are the most powerful. Meetings are the same.”
“Is that why you got upset with me after lodge for telling people to support your work?”
”It was not my motivation for praying with the people and I didn’t want to detract from those gifts of songs by making people think I did it hoping to get money from them.”
”I saw you pull back when I did it.”
”I know but then I looked at the love on your face, felt your hearts support, and listened to your kind words. I asked myself, why should I pull away from blessings? I knew then, I am still healing my relationship between spiritual practice and money.”
”That’s funny,” he says, “you made me want to love more openly and freely like you.”
We hug and both say laughing, “Perhaps between you and me is the truth.”
I say, “It’s always between you and me that truth exists.”

A truth between two people is a witness and a participant. The experience of one balances the other and so we can shine light on those thoughts trapped inside corners of our silent minds. When I write, I like to believe that I allow my own thoughts to be seen in order to grow. Some thoughts I see and immediately can think of a million refutations to learn them into submission. In other words, change them immediately. Other times, I believe when my words are read the truth of another sends me illumination, as in, I see sister you are needing enlightenment, as in play with this truth a bit, make it more fun, and allow yourself to prosper.

These thoughts I have vascillated between within my own mind. Moving from the extremes of very little belongings but rich in spirit to thriving financially and investing in future. Knowing the riches of starlight descending upon hot springs and the gas it took to drive there. Doing healing work for others, using my body in health operating on food money has bought and being blessed to travel with partners around the world teaching, running down the alps, and meeting villagers in India. Giving and receiving. Rejoicing at others good fortune. Content with my little home and lots of time.

As a child, I never lacked for anything. As an adult I only lacked what I did not allow myself to receive, and this usually because I gave freely. Entering into a crystalline state with the light essence of a piece of paper, I heal my relationship to money. A blank trade system. Money is whatever we make it. It makes many things possible. It can itself be a practice. Learning how to master it with your gifts, is a blessing.

Yet, I can’t help but think of the many ways it can be a deception. The ways in which people hide their true source of affluence. Claiming to have prayed so much, or be so much more devoted, or such positive thinkers that wealth just happened.

Hiding that it is a gift from wealthy parents or intelligent investments, even hard work, is a falsity and I think if we are all to truly be healed in relation to money, deception and the impression that others can become what you have been gifted if they are only willing to invest in you, is the distraction that I resist.

I resist that fancy pants, better yoga mats and super foods make us better yogis, or that designer drugs and expensive ceremonies make us medicine people. False. Modern day “keeping up with the Jones” can bankrupt you but it can be fun.

I acknowledge that I came from a upper middle class family and am college educated. I did not realize our standard of living because my dad was modest enough with his money to retire at 50 and still help our whole family make fiscal jumps. I've thanked him for allowing my brother and I freedom to devote ourselves to what we love and forgive us that it doesn’t translate to wealth. We are simple people. My brother plays drums, thinks drums, hears drums. I love people and pray in nature. We live on what we make, sometimes it’s little, sometimes we have been shown how valuable what we love can be.

When younger, I get a disappointment to my pop, “Sorry, dad, you worked so hard to lift us up. I feel like we went back.”
He says to me, “Other people can look around them at what they have amassed, your wealth is hidden in your body, it resides in your heart and your share it with everyone.”
”Thanks pops.” I feel blessed and know in my heart, whatever your life, self-development is the key.

I was not raised to be an entrepreneur, my dad made money working his way up despite humble beginnings and brown skin. He teaches us to work, I tell my nephews and students to become the best at whatever you choose to do. Grace yourself with plenty. My mother loves shopping sprees and vacations were once a year. It took bankruptcy, many give aways, generosity, a brain tumor, and year long vision quest to create me. I believe in favorites I wear so often they can no longer be mended. I believe in nice things that last.

I retired from being a teacher with a small salary I used to travel for a year and tried editing, ghost writing, teen centers, private schools, being a barista, sandwich maker, new age store lady doing crystal readings, yoga teacher, massage therapist, ceremonialist, retreat leader, and healer. I was willing to live on whatever my devotions made me.

I knew little to nothing about alternative lifestyles as an artist, musician, festy, plant farmer worker, rainbow gatherings, or work trade, but I learned that within that system there was still hierarchy and at the top were high powered executive business people making lots of money paying workers very little. I saw workers playing but many investing little for the future. Smart ones educated themselves, courageous one took big chances, and creative ones became famous. In this journey I learned the answer to the question I had while still teaching.

In a class of 42 kids, 38 had individual educational plans because of their unique learning styles and differing intelligences. I remember knowing for certain, most would not follow the college bound course. I asked myself, “What will they do? How will they live?” Soon after, I had given away everything, put on a backpack and begun my own deconstruction reconstruction to be completed two decades later journey.

What would they do? Play. Dance. Travel. Experience. Live. Love. The lucky ones would.

The rest would struggle at minimum wage jobs trapped in pizza shops seeing no way out, knowing no differently, seeking mind numbing anything and still seeking love in all the little places until a spirithorse gave them small little boosts.

My father and I invested in the future. We gave my nephews boosts to find what they loved. Sometimes this meant I gave money and travelled no home or to other countries to work so I could help. Choices. Exchanges of one life for another. Oldest one gave his girlfriend a spirithorse jump and the youngest one joined forces with his lovely “wife” to make family. My brother devoted his whole life to drums and somehow the generations move forward and now I funnel it back to me.

What is my relationship to money? Ever melding, shifting, contorting, always grateful.

What are my feelings about thriving? We should all be so lucky. Some people can live their entire lives for the amount people pay for shoes. This seems crazy and yet it is reality.

What I seek is not answers, it’s peace. What I seek is my own value and to thrive within my own gifts putting what I believe to be of primary importance first. I believe in a creator. I believe what we do, what we stand for, how we spend our time and money matters. I believe in joy and bliss. I believe in loving others and giving them a chance. I believe in fairness m, as in we get what we work for and sometimes we get lucky and receive gifts. I believe in the best in people. I believe we all want similar things.

I have enough examples of people who use their wealth to enjoy life and educate others to have skills to have a better life. I see this all the time at the retreat center where I work. They inspire many people, they inspire me.

Mostly I believe we could all want less from stores and preserve more what comes naturally. I believe we all have choices and each of us has a golden thread that connects us to source. That Creator see us as having intrinsic value and that creatures would like to see what we will make of this life we are living.

I would like to braid a golden thread, going in all directions, Universal filaments connecting the seen and unseen, utilizing whatever bridges I am given to bring more of the love I feel in my heart into the open while thriving and feeling what it is to have.

​From one golden heart to another, big love, big kisses❤️🥰

I am sitting in the sun allowing the light and breeze to penetrate my thoughts as I pray to know them as friends.

I hear the words of a co-worker echo a Hawaiian sentiment about the alive responsiveness of all living things. She says her feelings in her own words and sparks renewed appreciation in me for the interconnectedness of all things, "Everything in nature desires to be friends with us."

She lights my heart up. I smile.

"What?" She asks laughing.

I realize I've paused mid-action in goofy smile, "Words like that are medicine to my soul." This medicine in words has be arising in me since January. New concepts. New ideas. New phrasing. New cycles.

Old ancient feeling.

I've been reading many books, but am stuck on two pages in The Education of Little Tree. I've put it to the side many times, reading other books, returned to this simple talk story and the profound element of family, love, understanding contained in those two pages puts me in a clutch the book gently to my heart, consider the many lessons two pages can contain trance.

On this day, one concept strikes me differently. Usually affected most by the grandfather and grandmothers use of "I kin ye," instead of "I love you," is my favorite passage. Today it is the expounded idea of what it is to accept others as family and to kin them by understanding what it is they are feeling in any circumstance that arises. In this passage one of the men in the congregation has stood up to berate everyone and another man has stood up to tell him that if any misunderstanding has occurred he wants this one to know how loved he is and that everyone would like to right the misconception. In the telling of the story the grandson asks why no one gets defensive, grandfather says it is because he is kin and everyone understands that he comes from a time of fighting and that what they really want is for him to feel safe again.

The idea arises and connects to a statement I made while assisting a friend with chores.

Zonia?
Yes?
Why don't you go out anymore?
I don't know. I've gotten into a state of resisting everything lately.
Why?
I'm not sure.

And as I do, ponder this idea, let it stir around amid a million differing concepts until it blob tags with a clarifying sentiment, differing situation and words that heal my view--today the ideas that connect are
1. New Generation of Healthy Medicine People connects to 2. "kin," understanding, fighting, resisting, 3. this moment on the bench looking skyward at leaves dancing sunlight, 4. A week of feeling myself pass through and 5. a bath wherein I contemplate images from childhood, not just paradise, but also Armageddon. (What used to be taught as an actual occurrence makes its way into my spirulina sea salt crystal bath as spiritual metaphor for hearts devotion) and 6. a line from the Upanishads.

"You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny."

This has led me to ask the question of each line:
What is my deep driving desire?
What is my will?
What are my actions?
What is my destiny?

As I review, an observer of my life interactions, I watch God's answer in the form of book readings, a visitation from young friend I have known a decade and moments like these on the bench.

My own end of 17 year travel cycle including re-gifting everything I've owned many times over, the epic adventures, the prayerful meetings, the miraculous money-less journeys wherein just enough is actually enough I am so happy to be free so not impoverished, uncontrolled, at peace with manifestations of walk abouts and the wondrous simple pleasure of sunrise to sunset the counter experience of modern day belief infiltrating all sectors of life, "Money is God."

That I do know I can not pay celestial bodies to rotate and shine in such glorious perfection. The--no one but my soul and its Source energy own me. The--I have no reason to go this way but for the ancestral angelic guidance and the facing of ridicule about ending my professional teaching career almost two decades ago. The--lone path that has just settled into home and this rocking bench in the sun.

I reflect.
Always in motion, it is difficult to truly know the lives and communities I've touched or affected but perhaps the greatest effect is, as I tell my friend's 3 year old little grandmother who pretends to know everything:

The greatest process of learning is knowing what you do not know and looking to those who do.

What I do know is how to resist the established thought for me own--to be told over and over I'm crazy for living differently until it is the norm, and how to say unfavorable truths to medicine kids in the throws of addiction who have only stories of use and addiction to share, disembodied, who are bored of esoteric wisdom, whose elders are quietly either in addiction themselves or manipulating them and encouraging it for money, I have shared my wisdom.

This exploration I have resisted since I broke down the willow of a lodge threatening to charge and threw it in the fire. A bit thunderbird of me, but "I kin me." This trend I silently observed in my heart welcomed and watched as the wealthy and humble sat circle together, then some took over every indigenous circle and spiritual realm shifting it into yet another rat race for financial flow.

​Grateful for financial flow, wealth was not my objection, the shift in dominant focus was.

I retreated further from technology, my generation, and spirit family into jungles to quietly do the work of touching one body at a time. I flourished in someways and in others felt two things 1. like a ghost and 2. like a caricature phantom of my previous self.

Resisting only to resist. In a cyclic thought about how to protect the spirit of teachings that taught me freedom in my spirit, the power of connecting to Source, in health and vitality and mostly in relationships.

I have, and we all know the danger of judgement, but also I questioned the difference between discernment and judging behaviors and actions. Why? Because of my own time as teenager crying for visions, needing rite of passage overdosing seeking God in acid, cocaine, and alcohol and leaving body to find death ancestors and pain pulling me back into body so that spirit compelled me to serve young, old, sick, my own family and adopted. For protection. Looking into my own heart, " I kin ye."

I was always two people, both too old wearing my grandmother's shawl and wise enough to know what habits age, that there are grey spirits that feed through us their own addictions, and a teacher who acted surrogate mother to many teens needing adults who refused to parent or guide, too busy caught up in the age of youth beauty and riches. Forgive my fighting, some experiences have taught me patterns and cycles I do not wish to replicate. Discernment. I could not unknow what I knew.

I look up from my heart. Resistance and judgement, to protect myself from my former selves. A third woman arises. She sees youth and fun are still here glowing and glimmering. She observes the power of medicine, time, the changing of generation as new generation elder teachers guide soften and learn to parent, to sober, to think, to consider future, pay attention. Next generation. My spirit family tribe. Where is the door back in?

Acceptance.

I began to again focus on beauty, joy and devotion.

From the outside of tribe, I gather those in outer circle to enclose, embrace and pull in towards the safety of inner circle. Bring back together strays. Rejoice. Open. Learn again.

Clear the black web of separation, change my words, address my own human heart pains, make contact. Calls to people I let go too long, travelling no longer valid excuses. Well springs burst again and what seemed lost is found. That for the youth I touched in my idealistic phase--a circle is now drawn around me--spiraling back loved, awakened to higher-mind meditations of devotion, elements, song, dance and the simple things that give community meaning.

The ceremony of life.

I see them, this young generation of medicine people will be both an evolved version of the best minus the fight for the way has now been paved. They are safe to commune with the invisible realms and supported in vision. These ones hold the sacred, like Paradise, in their hears. It can't be taken. These are the ones honoring their bodies, taking care of the Earth, trusting the power of prayer, and holding a higher form of love creed that transcends all dogma.

These ones bring me back to life. Their words and actions are medicine and, though they work with plants, WHO they are is the salve not what they use, and not in excess.

The second group of young ones become grotesque caricatures of charlatan teachers (in the old days tribal elders in tipi were drug and alcohol counselors) lacking ethics and foundation to hold them steady. They imitate behaviors and language but mock God and Spirit, engage in consumption to extremes that will deplete dopamine stores and create physical/ mental disease. They are not medicine for the people, but have only words to downplay the Armageddon of soul.

Pictures, not only of garden, adorned my spiritual upbringing but the ways people would choose darkness in empty choices, false pursuits, and addictive behaviors also were present.

When I began to see the trend of addiction and tainted places of worship in which I used to seek sanctuary, I left.

More concerned with free mind and healthy body, I focused on what saved me from the path of nowhere, empty. I took firm stances and cut off relations. I now know this was itself a blind eye, fixated on shadow, and I was momentarily building a firewall. Looking inward at my own ego, my own addiction to cyclic stories, my transient nature, and the quest for the infinite became finitely fixed on human pursuits, my own failures that led to dust.

As I stopped travelling, the wall fell and the karmic train dustily piled up now cleared and quiet. Tangled heart are free. Relationships re-established. And, though I love that I've gotten younger than I was when young, the expression kiddo being used by several elder women in my life have awakened my wizened heart. I am not a child, although relationships have always been my little girl cry.

To heal, the story must circle.

Zonia?
Yes?
How long does it take to heal?
As long as it takes to spiral back to the point of confusion, to tell the story until you are either bored, have better experiences that define you anew, or collect more data until you refute that idea which is making you sick.
What if I get so far into it I forget where I am trying to go?
Other people are more likely to forget you than you are, hold close to your heart, trust, you will come out the other side.

I remember during my morning oceanic embryonic brew that one of my favorite pictures of this spiritual warfare was a ring of self-induced chaos and confusion, fire wherein in the middle is paradise and the humans highly tuned to nature, surrounded by the love of people from all of Earth, devoted in their heart to spirit, are protected, peaceful, kind, happy, and truly free.

This is my tribe. My spirit family. So in love. So in their hearts.

Independent of others for extreme riches or expenses, their simplicity leaves little barriers between a real life with a fit body and a shimmering heart.

This to me is the true meaning of THRIVE.

Protecting these things that are of value is the next generation's mission. At one with the elements they wish to safeguard our waters flowing from Mother's breast, the Earth from which all beings grow be it food, animal, plant, human, the air we breathe, to live in tune with the metal of their hearts vibrating towards all life and ever in harmony with human destiny to love--to hold--to connect--to heal that which has been structured to separate us from the power to choose light.

Money is not god, but it can be used by godlike people in order to create new systems. It can be a great ally. Welcome it and fixate our hearts on opportunity, stewardship, education, connection, health, joyful celebration, and lasting experiences.

For the Indigos who fought to clear the path and karmic relationships for this new generation, may there be understanding for this our kin. Current world consciousness arising was not won easily and though it proliferates in words and beauty, there is still much to do, but may we birth into the circles of safety and joy. May love draw us into the light. May we be taught again the idealistic beauty of faith and love's devoted contemplation.

I accept the new generation of true medicine people as my teachers and return again to basic lessons with a beginner's mind.

To know what it is I do not know and allow the love flowing to enter me dissolving all barriers between me and its people. Young, old, mid-life--let us hold hands and be family. Sing praises. Recall our medicine hearts to our friends, elevate desires for life to continue and also have the strength to face still resisting corruption with a shining spirit. True inspiration breathes life and creates unity.

Let us breathe together, then, and remember desires of the heart drive all action and determine not only our own destiny but of the entire human race.

Sitting swaying bench, I look into my prayerful hands and see the light of gratitude I felt myself reaching for, it is here with me and I hold it close. Nothing to resist, calling safety into my field. Heart to heart with all living beings, pulling me forward, connected, friendly, hopeful, healed, and a I feel a golden shower of happy rain down upon me in sunlight through the leaves like medicine to my soul.

Years ago now, when loved ones of mine experienced wildfires, I sent a message that to them, even me, seemed ridiculous, but in the time that has passed since, I have come to appreciate the metaphoric language of surveying the wreckage of life.

Make piles of screws and nails.

Of course I knew then, as we all do, there will be heavy machinery that will plow through the aftermath but the eye trained on the small treasures will turn towards the ashes, get low to the ground look for screws and nails, as in

"Focus on the little things that will help you rebuild."

Find the surviving garden gnome and, in the silence that follows mourning wildlife and places of long held memory, put these little things as a symbol that which endures, for the wild flowers that will bloom, for the now germinated seeds of forest that, laying in wait for the heat, sprouts life.

And yourself, stooped and surveying years of work ahead, will also become a symbol of community, humanity, that continues to love, grow, give, sing, and celebrate. In the years that follow, you will watch life return, not only to your own heart, but to those around you.

In the end the surrender of old memories, will birth and everything will be made new again.

Since I've stopped traveling and come to a stop, with the dust settling behind me, I have surveyed what is left of the life I had before I began. I think about the nearly two decades of backpacking I spent walking 12-14 hours a day. In what direction?

"I always knew my heart would guide my feet in the direction where my vibration would be needed even if I didn't understand why I was there," one of my best friend Mags says about the journey.

This she says in response to my questioning my lone path, the many people, places and things I have lost along the way, some in give away more than I have generosity, some in "three moves is a fire," and some lost in true Thunderbird will not put up with that kind of behavior style.

For the latter, I find myself standing up out of the ashes of my life and the many choices I have made to follow the way for me. Close to the ground and the little things, I catch myself searching for nails and screws.

What are the little things that remain to put myself and my life, pre-27 year old Saturn return travel cycle Apache vision quest initiation back together?

One peace.

The life of living in a 7 mile radius and never leaving for years. The life of a teacher who touches the lives of at-risk teens who have no adults guiding them into the lives they are seeking. The life of a woman innocent and still believing in forever love, faith in an active force moving through me and guiding me to lakes, forests and tress.

This me, even those who knew me then, have to really focus to remember.

I am focusing to remember. Recovering from the quest for infinite potentiality. Infinite me's. Infinite loves. Infinite fantastical dreams. Infinite crafts and talents. Infinity, as in, never ending rabbit holes.

True power lies in one love.

One you. The complete version, as opposed to the characature in the jungle. One place, as in funnel your energy into home community.

Visit potentiality, but safeguard what is true.

This I realize after trying to move to Maui to be with my much younger boyfriend. My youngest nephew calls, he is seeking adult influence during a transition and almost jumps on a plane. For him, I leave. for myself, knowing that I will never find true peace if it doesn't exist in my family.

I keep this and my deep felt responsibility for family in my heart and make a new life closer to him and his now thriving family. I cut off social media when a group of women laugh at my not being able to make Maui life last.

"We all talked about it and knew you wouldn't last."

I hear this, and my private life becomes profound. As in Huna style keep secret like a seed under ground, show people only the flower. I realize not everyone is praying for my success. I realize that putting my whole life for all to see elicits all responses. How affected are each of us by the thoughts people have when looking at our pictures, discussing our lives? I believe more than we realize, after all people charge money for distance reiki, that is someone to conjure a picture of us in the mind and send thoughts which are energy our way.

So much of my life is still private. Glimpses, yes. All the details, all the precious finds from the ashes of my life, those are for me and my closest loved ones. The ones who call and talk voices to voices. The ones who visit, sit face to face.

Connection is not an idea. It takes time, shared memories, something I didn't always have to settle grievances in a timely manner. Small things become big. Biggest lesson of the cedar bag. Heal relations. Say what is true in your heart. Allow misperceptions and injury to be cleared. Allow love to enter into all your spaces.

I finally have my own space. It's not temporary. It's my home.

I pass through anxiety about losing it. I pass through anxiety of people trying to take it. I pass through the anxiety that there will be those who don't believe I deserve it. I pass through the sitting in it alone after years of seeking home with partners.

I tell my friend who’s house I rent. She wells with tears as she expresses how happy she is I am home, how much she appreciates the work I’ve done, and how the work I’m doing on the house is a blessing. I feel loved, safe, welcomed, wanted. I pray to be surrounded by more friends like her.

I fall asleep. Deeply asleep for a month after assisting my nephew with his new baby. I'm a great aunt. Somehow the first generation under me made it to adulthood and generations move forward. I find peace, like paradise after Armageddon. Everything gets quiet.

I start social media up again after finding it difficult to navigate community events. I realize that technology is so prolific that I am in social isolation. I hear a song by Steve Gold, "Isolation wears an ugly face." I realize that I used to think of Facebook as a form of isolating ourselves from direct personal contact, but I am out of a loop, or should I say newsfeed, and many people have broken dependency to tool status. Still 500 likes is not equal to one phone call or cup of tea.

These I offer to friends.

Can I protect myself this round from self-consciousness, anxiety and fear over my truths and writings, from those who compare and seek not the best but the holes, the fragility, the vulnerability, the humanity. It is there to be sure. I can assure myself and others of that. I never have proclaimed to have the answers. Just a mind full of never stop asking questions, an educators view of the world, produce your own content. As in higher order thinking skill, aka think for yourself.

My gratitude smiles fills my heart with laughter, a thing I do even when I'm nervous and always at what would be considered "inappropriate" times. Buddha, you right, we funny.

​ People who come to me will find that I give less advice, sometimes a channelled word, but mostly a yep been there done that life goes on sometimes we get it right listening ear and lots of love flowing from my hands.

Focus on the life I have now.

Reactivated. So many friends and acquaintances. Life has moved along. Children aren't babies, they are in college. I find myself on there. I visit my albums. Some pictures are missing. First round breakups, I never could delete them all because I know I wasn't in those moments alone. To erase them is to have giant holes and forgotten memories keepers burned in the fire. Forgotten forever. Perhaps this would be best, but for the lovers I no longer stay in contact with, I cherish the energy they have birthed inside of me, the memories that make up the tapestry of the story of my life, the keys to love I have learned. One of which is, STAY.

I remember talking to two lovers at the resort where I lived after another relationship burned to the ground, not out of flakiness but out of a calling to serve 300-500 people a season in the jungle, to financially rebuild my life and the younger generations, and be allowed (by the loving family I have in Mexico) to become my whole self. They tell me, the next time you are really in love, don't leave, no matter what.

Really in love with a place, with your life, a full realization that you could never trade in for anything better. This isn’t infinite potential, it’s real. This is it. It’s not perfect, just yours. You are in love and your brains, the thinking that spirals you out, have fallen out of your head like the double rainbow on mushrooms day in kalalau Kenny’s 32 birthday.

Love is staying. Staying in love is practice. Practice is cherishing. Cherishing is holding close. I remember reading a quote, "I knew that if anyone was going to take me seriously, I had to slow down."

Slow. The speed of searching through the rubble for the little nails and screws that you can easily rebuy, but these ones, they actually held your house together. They are special. Everything isn't gone, you are still there to discover them. Will you find them all? Will you really do this for the whole property? No, if by chance you even started, you will give up. Maybe you will pick up one or two and, then, see that cleanup is bigger than this, and let go. You'll never be able to save what little things are left.

Surrender the past and everything associated with it.

Start over. Let ash piles burn to fine dust. Unpack the ancestral momentos you saved from the flames, they are the most important part of your story.

Rebuild with new love, no memories from past holding back your future forward growth. Find more strength than you knew and burst your heart open wide to tears to laughter, to feeling and let life overtake you with her magical ability to go on, to thrive, to refill your life with everything you lost, in a new form.

This we call resurrection.

We call it Olive Magic. As in all in love with Olive. To channel the best of our lives for the future generation and balance our rebellion with good people values and change with preservation in mind. So grateful for new beginnings.  This we call grace.

I’m sitting with a group of friends in one of my high school best friends house post a ceremony. They all have a look of wonder and the table is quiet. So, I start bouncing around in my chair making faces and being silly.

Zonia, you are our guru.
“Oh no! Don’t YOU guys say that ever again!” I say in my most dramatic way flipping backwards hanging like an Aztec sacrifice off my chair. “Ewwwww...”
But you are! You are our love guru.
Aghhh...
Well, what do you want us to call you?
Your friend! Just be my friends.
What’s the difference?
So huge! Friends only have to be themselves and I need people to just be myself with.

We all do. I think the worst thing teachers, healers or guides can do is pretend we have the answers to everyone’s problems; perhaps we have figured out how not to fall and stay down, but we are still human. I think the worst thing we can do to others, in our quest for certainty in an uncertain world, is expect them to be superhuman.

​What we can do is teach and hold true to our dedication to wellness and the belief that sustained practice, whatever the craft, is the key to mind-body-emotional health. But to teach that we are now impervious or have somehow transcended? (In relation to this, I have only to say the only transcendence to humanity is death.)

Until then, that is death, we are all flawed and this is our stop striving for perfection gift to the world. That happiness is not hinged on getting anything exactly right, it’s finding the quirky curve in the road informing, humorous, or educational. We are all learning.

Never outgrow your foundations, build upon them but return again and again to the beginning. This is beginners mind. It’s is the basis for growth and the beauty of life is there’s always more to learn.

For the last couple years, feeling sadness over various observations I had in community, I turned my eye inward and, of course, discovered all my unsaid truths, all the masks removed revealed an innumerable amount of regrets and “can not be changed” behaviors of past choices.

Memories imprinting a “would do differently” episodes from my life that are my next round of great teachers but were avoided by throwing myself into an inhuman amount of work that revealed my humanity surfaced through three physically painful collapses in one month.

The result was a recocooning, a going back to the beginning, a reawakening again to self in relation to self that has lead to the emergence of new voice authenticating itself and allowing itself to be heard—not for intelligence, but for its heart wisdom. Deep knowing.

Surely in looking back, compassion comes from knowing where I was coming from at the time, deep learning comes from stepping back and using observer perspective to look at the affect of my choices.

To speak truthfully, from a place of vulnerability is to weed out people seeking perfection and instead making way for true friendship. Authentic relationship is intimacy—connection on deepest level is soul to soul.

Recognition of humanity’s lessons learned, not only through strength, through fragility. It is not just the yogic Buddhist face but also the one hidden in darkness isolated coming to light—seen—ceremonial heart fire. Enlightened by sorrow, which is deep feeling.

“We are all human together” feeling, as connected as we are real. My closest relationships are the truest. We are true to who we really are with each other.

To smile this big is to feel so deeply. To know life without happiness is to seek it as a soul path barometer. Am I on track?

Soul work is human work.

Understanding our minds is listening to the voices that speak to us, the ones unheard, unvoiced, forgotten, held back now now lifting them up, expressing, listening, releasing, and hearing the wisdom of their experience.

Bleeding hearts are broken bodies, my own and many other leaders, healers, and teachers who come through my room under my hands. Safe to tell me the secret that they are human, I look at them with love and say, yes, me too. Then we laugh to be seen in our true light and relax. Natural disposition, nothing to be ashamed of, still strong and capable, just needing a little help.

Broken bodies are opportunities to face pain, slow down, give attention. Muscle is not the answer, faith, breath, and mindfulness are. To know this is to understand that going into that which is hardest to face, acknowledge, is to be able to later teach the healing process and aid others afraid to express that which ailes them too. You have permission to be real with me. I’ll hold you in the light, hold my center with deep compassion.

This is the differentiation between those who are teachers, healers, and guides and others feeling victimized by life, they show courage and walk in the way of fear to the very thing they are wishing to change, thereby, dissolving fear.

The way we go about it is the lesson for all. Injury, no matter how it happens, is collective. Sacrum, sciatica, hip, paoas. Over and over and over. Occipital ridge, neck traps, shoulder blade. Over and over until I must say the only thing keeping us alone is silence.

Who will break it? I will.

If we gather together to hear similar stories, then their powerful grip releases its hold. It is not the definition of us. It is the beginning.

Our perceived weaknesses, our inferiority, our inadequacies are giving us insight, opening our hearts and bodies. In turn, they become our strengths. In time we will be a superior version of self for having modified and put attention on a place of growth and that will be more than adequate. It will become a treasure.

What moves us forward? Movement.

Simplest statement I make to all healing: immobility leads to immobility.

Fear your own true nature—the injured, sad, angry parts and isolation is inevitable. Touch your pain. Befriend your fear. And you can touch others and be a friend who gives courage and hope. There is light in together.

In self-compassion is forgiveness of emotions we don’t want to admit to having, face to face, admittance is acceptance. Acceptance is drawing love into the bone. In the marrow is love healing.

I love you.
I accept you.
You are a part of me.
I believe in you.

Know you are loved. You are loving. You are beloved.

The story of unlovable is self-perpetuating injury and dependent on hiding. What amount of self is hidden from view will determine whether we feel truly loved or if we have become a caricature portrayal of who we think others would like us to be. A grand costume and de-masked revealing only to happen in private.

Perfectly happy all the time.
Ultimately confident, never in doubt.
Body fluidly moving, never sore or in pain.
Always creating, never destroying.
Always loving, never deceived.

The ones who truly have glimpses of this are the ones who know truth in their deepest hearts, blessed to know they are human to the core feeling everything, unsure, body pains from muscles used sore tired aching—to be in body is to use it, to use it is to feel it—must end to begin and giving everything leads to empty. In other words, joy that big is gratitude for rising up but also we all know our vulnerable moments will come, in those we know grace will too.

The difference in healed verses suffering is embodying truths. Forgiving mistakes, leaving off regrets in the past, stream forward in wisdom grow and be moved continuously towards the belief in a greater cause motivating and, despite everything that might hold you back down under behind, find the energy, the light, and break through.

Rise up inside your body. As in, breathe soul alive in you. Come to the surface and remove a lifetime of armor is a heavy load to bear your body finite to infinity.

Heart humbled but strong thank God—perfection is not possible, so let it go. There will be problems mistakes and misunderstandings.

Love life anyways. Focus on senses. Transcend them. Return again to rose, mint, lilac, cacao, Pablo santo, copal—life radiating energetic imprints of emotions —the best ones are felt sense. Happy for daily gifts given in small lady bugs and sun rays. Observe beauty, well, be beauty in observation.

Performers need audience, all elements seen and unseen watch the plight of humanity and applaud the soul who remembers. Embodiment is separation from source. Disembodiemnt is return to.

We come to know what holds us by how we hold ourselves.

This body of memories is a storehouse of love. Sometimes we learn love by what it is not and make the spiritual journey to what is. Be grateful for the stories that have made you—you. They are yours. You are sacred. Only our perception of self in regard to story can be changed and a new genre be written. Costume change. Character rewrite. The essence remains.

You are loved. You will be loved. Loving is he goal.

When it is hardest to believe is when it is most powerful. When the awesome power of love redeems us all, this we call grace.

True story. In the middle of doing my most potent healing work is when I question my life’s meaning the most. When people are changing at profound levels, I remember the hardest parts of my life the deepest.

Its then I pray grace to us both. It can’t be changed but also I believe in miracles and the force of creation to see me from a Higher vantage point, to know my deepest heart and grant me wisdom to take the opportunity to say, I’m sorry for everyone I ever hurt. Bless them. I’m sorry for everyone who has hurt me. Bless me. Make us all whole and well. Allow us to be happy anyways. Give us a fresh start.

From the beginning, as if you were just born. Day one: The best day ever.

People ask me often how I keep the dreaming alive inside me. To be honest, there are periods of time when it dims and I can’t see very clearly, but I was lucky enough to be raised by a seeet Mexican woman who’s smile lights up the room and who’s warm hands send love through your entire being.

Though the rest of the family is not, in her private heart and spiritual practice she is a paradaisical Jehovah’s Witness (the opposite of what I call armageddonites focused on destruction and judgement.) So from birth my mother raised me looking at happy pictures of paradise with people of all tribes races living in harmony with the earth and animals. She taught me to develop a deeply personal relationship with god and to pray from my heart, then trust what that god directed me to do. She taught me to believe in angels and that those angels would direct us to people who needed hope, comfort, and love.

I did pray deeply with this being who’s name my own studies taught me was a verb, an active force creating me and everything for a purpose. In my own ponderings on creator force I saw it powerful enough to create the sun and wise enough to put things in motion with mathematical precision. I studied life on this earth and the forces that have to exist in perfection for there to be human beings and this gave me profound appreciation for life.

In my state of wonder I met and mentored with a yogic chiropractor acupuncturists ak Bach flower remedy using energy and emotion in spine in accordance with diet and spiritual awareness married with real truth seeking questions and the ability to laugh at nonsensical teachings teacher. He was my best friends dad. Through that teacher I came to the power of body and it’s intrinsic complex beauty.

There came a time in my life when I realized I didn’t want to wait for some future time when god would make paradise happen, I wanted to go back to nature and it was at that time my first Native American teacher came to me.

She twined me spiritually to my vision and taught me to trust what I saw. We did month long fasts and meditations. And soon that force, guiding me since birth, directed me to give away all my belongings and put on a backpack.

There were of course many factors in my physical, spiritual, emotional healing that gave me the courage to do so, but also there was a fearlessness and trust that surely something beautiful would be waiting for me.

I would say that 15 years of traveling has given me the greatest gift of all. The pleasure of meeting infinite amounts of people who share the childhood dream I was raised to cherish. I encounter them all the time and usually when my traveling is tiring me, I feel depleted or miss my home community in the Sierra Nevadas.

In the moments that I am feeling deluded by myself thinking I’ve been doing something, I will meet the next generation or a thriving community of people with like minds all desiring some sort of utopian answer to our disconnected technological driven consumeristic world. Then I feel, hey we have done something! I believe the next generation will revitalize and reinvigorate the older generation and continue to awaken, reawaken and energize us. What a victory! To our quest they will add varying beliefs and strengths beyond new age towards embodiment of the material.

There is a generation, like myself, who have been devoted to health of body mind and spirit and who, in the beginning, had to push so hard against firewalls designed to keep us in containers.

Defy containers.

Especially your own. Push boundaries. Grow. Learn. Discover. Be undefined by dogmasbut forever inspired by ideals of the best kind.

Freedom. Joy. Creativity. Integrity. Love. Forgiveness.

In the past year, having given so much time to the life of others, I had a physical collapse that lead to injury. At the same time major beloveds who had travelled with me through lifes uncertain journeys repartnered. During this deep period, which came just as I was coming out of communal isolation and disassociation from group think and social media, caused me to recocoon.

It has been a genuine gift to me. As I steadily go inward, dreams arise out of my subconscious. As I awake there is a sun in my heart, awareness and awakening in places that, for whatever reason, I’d closed and fallen into slumber. As this she awakens, she feels welcomed and loved by current self.

I can only think to accredit this to my recent reignited love of Jungian philosophy and Marion Woodman who is not of a new age era.
In the midst of a desire to grow I began to meditate upon those unexplored parts of self and remembered every part of life is a passing phase. Some are more fun than others. Some are so meaningful and, for my part defining.

I will call the years to come the Olive years. Life after all the love my brother, ex-sister-in-law, many grandparents and I invested into children now grown. The next generation confidently have arrived at a place in their life when they have family, love, home and the first new baby in 20 years.

That the time from ending my teaching careeer to following spirit journeys yogic twists and bends along the past and basic confrontation of everything I question about my mothers religion has birthed another generation.

Who will each of us be to her after so many reevaluations experiments mistakes excursions adventures brave choices changes and going back to the beginning? She will meet an amalgam of all ourselves combined and influenced by each other reflections and, of course, family jokes.

When I struck out on my own, I devoted myself to world religions, certain there was a common desire from all these cultures that would bring them together, and in them I found a humble desire for love and communion, a healthy desire to thrive and for families to be safe and protected, with a spiritual belief that they are loved by the force that put everything in motion.

I also went headlong into shamanism and relationship with unseen spirits. For me I had allowed angelic direction to guide me and why would t that happen worldwide to many people for the best of reasons, relief, confirmation in spirits presence and action in our life.

Then there was relationship with the seen world the elements the plants the animals people. That together we comprise life on earth and a harmonious relationship with these things is a harmonious planet in complement to one another, supporting future and wellbeing for all. It is a knowing that those who walked before us and ensured our existence have a perspective to share and wisdom to guide. That together old and new, seen and unseen, the future can be pabed ahead of us based on current today decisions.

Finally, I questioned sexuality and repression of natural urges. Eventually having passed through desire and lust to passion friendship personal boundaries understanding freedom of sexual expression is exactly what feels good in your heart body mind and can not exist separately because of the psychic schism that occurs when heart mind and body are not in agreement. As in encounters void of love, out of mind but body used, and anything attempting to please someone else or fill an emotional gap that only spirit and self creation can bring you to higher elevations of love consciousness.

It is all a journey to knowing beyond family, culture and religion has implanted but in the end, most guidelines are supplied with the understanding that there are predators there are those who would manipulate us into servitude, there are selfish beings who would attempt to twist love and we must get stronger in our hearts to remember not what provided temporary pleasure but lasting gems that we can treasure for life.

For everything in our life there is a time to know for yourself what is true. Do it from a place of self love and there will be less regrets and in the end when one phase blends into the other and you have grown, even those will dissipate.

The great teachers of your life to whom you are no victim but wild choosing and eventually making the round back to what is love, the dream world, the happy world where nightmare choices and dramas fade into old systems of thought and shedded costumes for lighter days of celebration and true you.

No barriers, no fear, no judgement.

Acceptance. This is true forgiveness. Live what made you. Love it. Believe in a higher power. Trust yourself to be loving. Trust others to love you.Know there are no accidents. Put your mind on your life. Lose your mind. Open your heart. Rebirth.

Stand in the sun. Feel natural water on your face. Breathe deep. Hold hands. Walk under the stars. Sit around the fire. Laugh at your own foibles and observe your own cuckoo. It’s ok, we can all relate. Love each other through imperfection, know it’s what makes life so valuable. That our one life is hard enough to power organize, contemplate who is the a awesome force that put it all in motion. Who blesses us with sunrise, sunset?

Look your dad in his deep peering Native American Vietnam landmine surviving amputee seeing right into your soul eye.

Know he raised you to be virginal. Tell him youre wild. Explain what men want and how a woman frees herself from caring. Show him your heart. Embrace your mother and the innocence of her spirit. Put it back in your own heart, retain freedom.

​Remember you love puppies and babies. Remember your romantic heart monotony and commitment make you blossom. Stand for family and healing. Give to people when you have nothing to show for it but the wealth god allows to flow through you to them. Realize you have everything.

Zonia?
Si poppy?
Your calling is expensive.
Breathe a heavy sigh for success that doesn’t necessarily bred wealth. It’s nice to be understood.

Its bigger than you what calls you to travel to help strangers.

Assure him you are in your heart and not to fear for you. You are as strong as he wanted you be, but maybe more than he ever knew possible. Have him reaffirm that he knows who you are and what you have done. Good bad and ugly. Love unconditionally. See his aging heart feel deep peace.

Be in your body. Love your body. It’s yours. It’s the vehicle for all your experience. Painful and all the running trails climbing mountains rehabilitating joints and spine one tear at a time, repair. Do it again. One day at a time climb yourself and those you love out of holes and then watch their little seed sprout and know it’s all been worth it. All the tires gave you all the amazing. All the hard made your teong. All the weak gave you god.

So live a little. Live a lot.

Know there are healthy vibrant choices filled with laughter and self development. Use your mental capabilities to imagine this you happier than you ever have been. Then follow the path to that you calling you to flamenco dancing red lipstick full moon ocean dancing with your best friends and then do it alone when no one is watching. Do it for the elements. Do it for your heart. For your family. Do it as if what happens in private for one person affects the whole world. Give it your light willingly give it your life and trust in the end all the things people places you let go of will all be loved held celebrated including you.

Know you will disappoint others and yourself. Dust yourself off. Say sorry. Mean it. Think about what to do differently. Then get on with it. Do it better every time.

Spiral in. Spiral back out. Inhale open. Exhale, no really exhale, stop bracing against the spaciousness of empty. Leave room to move. Your things will never fulfill the spirits longing to outgrow your body until one day you fly free...like the eagles, the hawks, the winged Pegasus.

Dream in magical terms. Believe in everything good coming. Tread carefully around cautionary tales because life is fragile but trust your allies and guides. You got this. Make a come back from injury of all sorts.

There is is no alternative. Add hoops fire and lots of dancing to paradise and find others creating the same reality. Join forces. We have done something. The dream is alive and moving everywhere we are alive.

Real life is better than dreams.

There is no substitute for personal practice, also known as you experiencing what you feel like in your body, what you think and taking time in a private space to put your attention on it.

​Where you quiver is where you need to get stronger. Move with fixed attention.

Practice. Get stronger.

Come to the boundary. Don’t pass it, just hold. A working posture. Joint stability. Don’t move.

Contract. Use your muscles, not to pull but to stay, keep loose with breath. Relax into it.

Expand. Open where you are tight, slowly, and strengthen where you are weak, mindfully, deliberately. Breathe.

Contact, engage bhandas.

Expand. Do your favorite postures, but devote yourself to the ones you hate and are hard. You need those the most.

If you keep going you will adjust, patterns will shift in your psyche.

Apply what you learn. Change habits.

Do different postures.

Shift.
Focus.

”Imitation is suicide.” Read Emerson’s Self-Reluance Essay.

​Become your own guiding star.

Educate yourself. Apply information, study, memorize...you know, all the things teacher made you do in school. You’re the teacher now.

Train your mind, follow with body observation. Listen. Adjust.

Learn from different schools and teachers. Especially conflicting ideas.

Be open to understanding. Let go of dogma. Do everything they say not to. Keep what proves true. Do everything they say to, let go of false beliefs, fears taught like truth, remember real yoga (mind working with body) is healing. Always, but you must understand how to apply information. This is wisdom.

Devote yourself to your favorites. Integrate.
Create a truth representing your journey. There’s no conflict. All of it is you. You made it that way. 🙌

Go back to the beginning.
Wheres the beginning?
Where you began.
Began what?
Before the circle stories and the glitches. Let go to a time before they were.
Observe wide eyed.
Then say nothing.
Go to lodge. Say nothing.
Go to yoga. Say nothing.
Sit in circle. Share nothing.
Cut your hair. Take your jewelry off. Wear plain clothes.
Zonia, why did you cut your hair? The deep answer to a deep question, I thought native people only cut their hair when someone dies.
I did.
The Mexico answer.
Zonia! We love your new look.
Shake my head laugh smile. Start over again.
Prefer the Mexico answer.
Go to lodge.
Zonia, sing and speak my friend says, if you keep your wisdom inside it will rot.
Go to lodge.
Sing. Be led. Celebrate but say little. Watch. The young who once sat are teaching now. In the years of my traveling they are now family with farm and new baby.
A new baby in the family is coming. My brother does the grandpa dance.
Start over with her.
Everything is new.
Graduate phases in life.
Move on.
Real friends grow with you and no matter your costume, occupation or calling you will always be the same.
Sit Shabot. Love family. Put them first.
Was I very serious when I met you?
Yes, but you were always you.
Go to Esalen.
Say everything.
Make peace have self-compassion.
Go to lodge, say nothing except to ask for silence to hear the steam, the ocean, the river flowing where thermal waters meet.
Dance. Paint. Run in the rain.Feel happy inside.
The real lodge is earth. The elements are with us no matter the practice. They live inside our bodies and next to us.
Outgrow the container.
Go to El Paso. Dance. Sing. Embrace. Laugh.
Go to Mexico. Dance. Sing. Laugh. Work much less. Love the community. Spend time with friends. Change season.
​In between imagine the next yes moment that will define a thriving beginning filled with love and happiness.
​Wear costumes for fun.
Dance at midnight alone in the dark of the temple hall.
Teach yoga.
​Heal my spine.
Remember home, before traveling in the years of teaching. Remember community.
Go back to the beginning.
Wherever that is.
​Birth it inside silently but live fully.

Sharing a podcast done in El Paso with my good friend Robert Acosta of Float Spa. We will be having an event together in El Paso March 9 and 10 @ Casa de Yoga, El Paso (East Side, $30)

I am adding a story addendum because the opening sequence seems contrived. I asked myself if the details were clear and here is their full true rendering.

While in Mexico I had a series of dreams about a female child about to be born, who I now know to be my great niece. I shared these with my friend in Thailand, Jason, and told him I felt a child was about to be born.

Then I went my way to Texas, where my mother had painted this same female vision.

I did not know if the child was mine and went onto my next journey in Colorado. Around that time, my friend told me he had a new teaching partner who would be taking him to California. He didn’t know any details and on I went from Colorado to Utah.

I was about to fulfill a life dream of going to the Arches National Park. I was at the stop sign about to turn left, 15 miles from my destination, when spirit said a resounding,
”No.”
”What do you mean, no? It’s right there.”
”No.”
”What? Why? I’m here.”
”No.”
”Arg,” I said as I made the right turn towards a friend’s house in Salt Lake City.

The questioning did not stop, however. Why was I being redirected with urgency like an appointment had to be made. Where was I being directed?

My friend, Ken, called and said he and his partner were going to a blues fusion two day festival. “Oh,” I thought that sounds fun, maybe I’m supposed to be there.

"Everyone is going” he said reiterating all our friend's names.
“Ok, I’ll go.”

So I bought the ticket and headed towards Grass Valley where the festival would begin. I found out none of the people who were going are actually going to be there. I try to sell the ticket and even give it away because I’m exhausted.

Suddenly, I get a call. The day I arrived in Grass Valley is the same day my friend from Thailand arrives and (oh...yeah). They are going to the two day festival.

So, the opening story: My friend and I end up at Convergence without knowing the other will be there. I’m definitely being guided and synchronicity happens from Thailand to Mexico, but the 6 sentence version left a lot out and I think that's what I hear in my voice.

Anyways! Since the first podcast went so well, here’s the second podcast link! Love you😘❤️❣️

​https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-wj5c5-a241f1

Iriginally this was an article on entrepreneurship with guest writer Elena Madrid.

I had to interview someone because I am learning to ask experts their opinions about things. Elena came to my mind because she is a beautiful strong grandma my age who went to high school at my same school and graduated somewhere else.

She is not afraid to take the lead, create systems and fill in gaps where help is needed. She works for the college of education in Austin, Texas.

Her information is so good that I gave her name to my friend Robert who owns Float in El Paso, Texas and he is helping change consciousness for the next generation living in a thriving healthy environment birthing itself in the desert.

I met him because I went to Float to soak in a giant tub of epsom salt called a float tank. It was just what I needed.

His enthusiasm and drive to share information about medicine ways and help a lineage of people free themselves from fear of using plants as medicine sparked a great conversation. It was the perfect idea for a show and he asked if I would sit and talk to him for a while.

I do a guest show on his Podbean, The Higher Frequency Podcast. Here’s the link to my first podcast:
(https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-id8vg-9a560f)

He’s amazing and extremely intelligent. We could have talked for hours and did!

I do have a reward for the first person who blog comments the word for the show. We say it hundereds if times. It’s hilarious.

He recently happened to ask when I was returning to El Paso and it turned out he was doing a show on entrepreneurship. So, synchronized because Elena happened to be in El Paso and it’s her area of expertise. So grand Elena did a show...

Long story, I have no guest writer for this blog, just a good story about El Paso connections.

I love where I was born. It’s amazing knowing people since my birth. I even know where my great grandmothers were born, died and are buried. Also, everyone moves very slowly, so everyone always has time.

Desert very hot...move slow.

Ok. In between sessions right now, just reflecting and remembering I have blogs to write, journals, yoga and life ahead of me so I’m getting off the phone now.

​Love you❣️
Big kisses.
Big hugs.